Daydreamer

I always thought being a daydreamer was a bad thing. It sometimes got me called upon in school when I did not have the answer. It meant I was often looking to the next thing to look forward to instead of enjoying the here and now. It meant my mind was racing, all the time; barely allowing a thought to complete before the next one came barreling in.

My thoughts often confused me, for they felt more like stories; stories I did not dare put on paper. Someone might read them! I clasped them to me, holding tightly, afraid of what they might become.

But then I wrote a blog and people liked it. Friends asked me why I hadn’t been writing all along. The answer was complicated, so much that even I couldn’t understand it fully. All I knew was I wanted to write more and never stop.

I decided I needed to read more. Those that know me may laugh, aware of my several library trips a month and passion for used books. I was usually reading more than one book at a time. But I didn’t want mystery novels or detective dramas; I wanted to read about writing.

I fell in love with a book that changed me. “The Art of War” by Steven Pressfield made me feel like the author was looking into my brain. How did he know I had those insecurities? I suddenly felt a bond with every writer that ever lived. There was something bigger than all of us that joined us together; that ache, deep inside, to write and write well.

But there was a common enemy I had not dared acknowledge; Resistance. It’s the fear inside us all and the fear I gave into, every time. It was easier to not try and therefore never fail. “Resistance aims to kill. Its target is the epicenter of our being; our genius, our soul, the unique and priceless gifts we were put on earth to give and that no one else has but us.”

Now that I knew what it was, it was harder to fall into its snare. It wasn’t until recently that I knew being a day dreamer wasn’t a bad thing. All the times my mind was racing, it really was writing. The words inside me were longing to be set free and I no longer wanted to silence them.

And so I write. Sometimes the words pour out too fast and others I stare at a blank page and can think of nothing at all. At least I know now that I cannot stop, even when writing is hard. Just because the path is rocky doesn’t mean you go find another. I read this with new eyes; “The athlete knows the day will never come when he walks pain-free. He has to play hurt.”

Even when it hurts, I write. I wish at times I could put my life on hold so I can write, and even when I stop to jot down notes, I feel I can do more. That is the feeling I never want to lose. Maybe if I never stop saying that I’m a writer, I never will stop being a writer. Sounds like a good goal to me.

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5 thoughts on “Daydreamer

  1. talleygilly says:

    Love love love it. A writer writes, and I am glad to see you are writing even more! And what a lovely blog design, I am impressed.

    • Jen says:

      Thank you Alexandra!! I am happy to be writing as well, since I was in a little “funk.” I’m finally learning that will happen from time to time, and to just go with it! The words always come back.

  2. Dayle says:

    Yay!!! Congrats on your first WordPress post . . . and a wonderful one at that!

    I remember those moments in school. I remember the laughter of other students. I remember the embarrassment. And I remember the anger that I couldn’t remember what I was thinking about before my teacher so rudely interrupted me!

    I am so happy that you are writing more. I truly love your words, and I feel like I get to know you a little bit better with each post. Never give up that dream 🙂

    Oh, and on the used books thing —- I was talking to Suzy the other day and we said that all three of us need to meet in person at some point . . . and then I told her that she has to visit Philly because she’s never had a real cheesesteak . . . I think you should visit as well and we can go to the used book store at 2nd and Market – it’s fabulous!

    • Jen says:

      Thanks Dayle!! I am glad I finally posted something and am looking forward to the next. Thank you for your encouragement!

      I saw your convo with Suzy and forgot to comment! I don’t like Pat’s or Geno’s either, and there are such better cheesesteaks to be had, both in Philly and South Jersey. The used book store sounds like a blast! I’ve talked about kidnapping her and taking her to the shore…Philly isn’t that far away! 🙂

  3. Mysti says:

    I love this, Jen. I must say that I am inspired to read The Art of War thanks to this post. Now, can I find room in my schedule for a book I can’t put down? 🙂

    Continue to dream and dream big!

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