Where does the balance lie? Half of me wants to run away screaming, shielding my head with my arms, praying the words don’t make their way to my ears. The other half is tired of being bullied, remembers the cruel words thrown my way, the way I felt as a child and teenager. I want to demand the respect I deserve.
Neither may be the right way to react. How do I learn to keep my mouth closed, but not come off as a witch? I have this nasty little habit of wearing my heart on my sleeve, so if I’m in a “mood”, odds are the entire room knows it. How do I stand up for what’s right without fighting the losing fight with someone who is clearly unstable?
Today it’s as if nothing has happened. I even got an apology, but I confess, I did not apologize back. Maybe that makes me stubborn … maybe I don’t know how to be the bigger person. Maybe I’m tired of apologizing when I don’t feel I’m wrong. Maybe I’m tired of saying “Yes” all the time when my heart is screaming for me to say “No!”
I’ve been accused of being “fake”, so now I want to act exactly as I feel; indifferent. But the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. When dealing with someone who has a personality/mental disorder, indifference fuels their anger like no other source of energy can.
I can feel the tension building as I am choosing to withdrawal. It would be easy to chit-chat like before and ease the feeling in the air. But when the cycle continues, escalates and comes to blows, will I wish I had just kept quiet?
Probably. To quote a good friend, “Silence grows where negativity speaks.”
I’ll just prove all my teachers wrong. This girl can be silent when she needs to be.