The Good, the Bad and the Pregnant!

In case you don’t religiously follow me on Facebook (and why wouldn’t you?!) I am 13 weeks pregnant. I know I’ve been a little quiet lately, but as the world leader in “Worst Poker Face Ever,” I didn’t feel capable of posting without giving away my little secret. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been avoiding friends-in-real-life in order to not spill the beans.

But now the beans have been spilled! And all I want to write about is my various symptoms, expanding waistline and growing terror. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled and excited to be a mom. I’m just not sure my developing child would choose me from a conveyor belt of potential parents.

All that being said, I’ve been thinking a lot about how interesting pregnancy is. It amazes me that every woman experiences this differently, even when she herself has multiple children. So here is my fun-filled list of how much pregnancy changes a woman; good, bad and mind-numbingly-confusing.

  • By the third or fourth trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you start to wonder if you’re secretly growing a prostate instead of a baby.
  • Stairs? Forget it. Just have one of those old-people-chair-escalator-things installed and invite your friends over. You may even get away with charging for rides, and let’s face it, you could really use the cash.
  • You cry at everything and nothing. The only reason I even suspected I was pregnant was from sobbing uncontrollably to an episode of “House.”
  • Every woman in your life asks if your breasts have gotten larger. This may not apply if you’re already blessed in that area. In my case, people are pretty darn excited for me.
  • The foods you used to love have now become “Get me a Snickers bar now if you value your life” serious.
  • Pickles and ice cream really are incredibly fantastic. No, not at the same time.
  • You have an overwhelming desire to start a support group for single moms.
  • If you’re lucky enough to be as severely afflicted with road rage as I am, prepare yourself! All logic goes out the window. You want to get out of your car and scream that people are not only endangering your life but the life of your unborn child. (Logic does not, however, tell you that you should now, more than ever, not be getting out of your car and screaming at complete strangers.)
  • Those little irritants of life are now full-blown conspiracies. Everyone is out to get you, everyone is trying to piss you off and yes, everyone sucks.
  • All the baby experts (people, books, websites) admit that morning sickness is total crap. Nausea happens all day, every day, and even when you’re also hungry. Even if you aren’t physically getting sick often, it’s pretty much all you can think about. Other than Snickers bars.
  • Your skin may start to hate you and cry out in rebellion. I had my eyebrows waxed two weeks ago and my forehead is still angry.
  • You start to panic about everything you need to buy. We need a crib! We need to paint! We don’t know if it’s a boy or girl, but clearly we need to buy clothes!
  • You aren’t even showing yet but you’re terrified for the inevitable belly touching. You start researching witty and sarcastic comments to make sure people never touch you again.
  • You question everything. Should I tell the names I have picked out? Will people like them? Who cares? Aren’t they going to judge me on everything else anyway?

I hope the baby doesn’t inherit my sarcasm or obsession with Snickers bars.

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16 thoughts on “The Good, the Bad and the Pregnant!

  1. Mysti Reutlinger says:

    Enjoy a snickers! For me, I loved Cheetos and Cherry Coke together wtih my first, fresh fudge brownies and ice cream with my second, and every vegetable under the sun with my third. My boobs were bigger than each child’s head when they arrived. My stomach only developed stretch marks with my second (and they are bad!). I gave up on worrying what other people thought about how I parented or how I named my children about two days in to being a parent.

    Really – It’s all a huge mess of learning and growing with your child that brings a bond that cannot be replaced by anything else in life. Yep, you’ll make mistakes and at some point will be hated by your child. You’ll also have moments where the only person that matters to your child is YOU. Your heart will break more times than you ever thought possible and be healed just as quickly with a tender hug, kiss, or hearing, “I love you.”

    And children are the most ungrateful little beings in spurts throughout their entire lives. When you hear those words, “Thank you!” RELISH the sound. Seriously – it is an amazing journey and I’m SO glad to tell you that nothing is normal and everything is unique. Enjoy it!

  2. carolynh1962 says:

    Congrats! Jen, I am so excited for you! (Goodblogs Friend Carolyn Holcomb)

  3. Dayle Lynne says:

    Love this! Love you!

    I’m going to give you one piece of pregnancy/parenting advice . . . . learn to tell people where they can shove their pregnancy/parenting advice!

    Shared experiences are great and I never minded hearing about other women’s experiences, but the second they started telling me what I should and should not do, I wanted to punch them!

    The belly touching is crazy! I didn’t mind it from close friends and family, but people at the freaking bus stop would try to touch my belly!

    On another note, I so admire you for keeping quiet for so long! I intended to wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone when I was pregnant with Abby . . . that lasted for 3 days and then I broke down and told EVERYONE! (At least I didn’t have FB at the time 😛 )

    Once again, I am so, so excited and happy for you! I can’t wait to hear more about your experiences 🙂

    • Jen Hurowitz says:

      Thank you, and love you to pieces! Your advice is hilarious and definitely the best I’ve heard. I’m trying to go with my gut, what my husband thinks, and what my doctor says (even though that is kind of taken with a grain of salt, too). I love hearing shared experiences but I’m bracing myself for the unwanted advice and unwanted touching. 🙂

      It was SO HARD to not tell. We found out right around 5 weeks (which felt so early) and the first few weeks d r a g g e d out forever. The past few have gone by a lot faster, which makes me realize that the baby will be here before I know it!

  4. talleygilly says:

    So happy and thrilled for you, Jen! I have to agree with Dayle on the advice – people will give it you, no matter what you say, and one thing that helped me was to have a pat noncomittal response to all the bizarre things people say, “That’s interesting. I’ll think about that.” Or, when women start to tell you their horrifying labor stories, you can hold up your hand, “Oh, that’s okay. I get scared really easily. . . ”

    As a private person, I was amazed how odd it is to be publicly pregnant. People somehow think it is a community baby not your own personal body, so as a result, they feel they can pat you or poke you or guess the gender of your baby. Their attention mostly comes from exctiement and a good place, but it is so weird, still. I also still laugh at how often people would tell me that I must be due any minute (when I had several months to go). Yes, it’s always good for a pregnant women’s self-esteem to be told, “You look huge! Are you having twins?” by multiple strangers.

    Write down all the crazy things people say and enjoy whatever you can–ice cream, pickles and more. Can’t wait to hear more updates.

    • Jen Hurowitz says:

      Thanks A! I like “Oh, that’s okay. I get scared really easily. . . ” and will have to keep that one in my back pocket. It’s the truth! And I don’t need more anxiety on top of my anxiety.

      I understand being publicly pregnant, but only at the doctor’s office. My sister-in-law and I were joking about that, that once you’re there, you are their pincushion, experiment, etc. I’m fine with that, because they are just working for a healthy baby. But random strangers? No thanks! I definitely plan on writing down the crazy things people say. Hopefully we can all get some giggles.

  5. Rachelle says:

    I am so excited for you. You remind me so much of my pregnant self lol. You should go back and read some of my early goodblogs…. surely, you have time for that right?? Especially the one about advice…. Then you can’t say I didn’t warn ya;)
    You are going to be a great mommy!!!!

  6. Samantha says:

    Yay!!!!!!! I was lucky to not experience many normal pregnancy symptoms. Also unlucky to not get bigger boobs ;-p Enjoy and give in to your cravings!

  7. This is hilarious, Jen! Starting with the pic of the dogs! And don’t worry about how your kids would never have picked you from a conveyor belt. There is only a short span of time where “you are the best.” Soon enough, and certainly by high school, you certainly would not have been chosen. Or any parent, unless they are ones who host alcohol-laden parties!!
    And yes, yes, you question everything, and everyone else does as well. The tiniest little things become reason for debate and philosophical pondering.
    But seriously, congratulations to you and your husband! I am so excited for you and can’t wait to hear more! And I agree w/ everyone else – you are going to be a GREAT mom!
    p.s. this is another Goodblogs reunion! There was one on Dayle’s blog a few days ago as well 🙂

    • Jen Hurowitz says:

      Thank you, Anne Katherine! The doggie picture was a lot of fun to take, and prepare for. It was my husband’s idea!

      “Soon enough, and certainly by high school, you certainly would not have been chosen. Or any parent, unless they are ones who host alcohol-laden parties!!” HAHA that cracked me up! We joke that my husband will be the fun, lenient one, and I will be the bad guy. But I wouldn’t be surprised if we alternated roles. Have to keep things interesting!

      Yay for GB reunions!!

  8. Congratulations Jen! I’m so happy for you! 🙂 Big hugs!

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